“The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.” —Henry Ward Beecher
I remember laughing when I stumbled across this quote a few weeks ago. I genuinely thought it was funny. But then I started thinking about it and I realized just how true it is.
Most people who meet me think I’m quiet and reserved at first, which is largely true until I really get to know you. Then I have the habit of talking a little too much—at least, I think so. But I’m also both strong willed and obstinate.
My entire life is a testament to that.
The story of a “strong-willed” child
My mum tells me that once I started crawling as a baby, I decided there was a specific spot for each of my toys. If it wasn’t in that spot, I’d get upset and rip everything off the shelf. Then I would put the thing I wanted in each spot where it was supposed to be.
At three, my grandma said that I went for a walk with her and one of her friends. The friend called me Jenny. I don’t remember it, but apparently, I turned on her, hands on hips, stamped my foot and firmly told her she was not to call me that name again. Ever.
In high school and the first few years of college, I was going to be a doctor and I was going to serve in developing countries. It didn’t matter that the further I got into my program, the more I struggled to keep up my grades, the more I felt like a failure, and the more ashamed I was to ask for help. I said I was going to do something, and by golly I was going to do it.
I wish I could say it was different when it comes to my writing. But I can be just as obstinate and stubborn there too.
- I was only going to write fiction.
- I was only aiming for certain kinds of publishing credits.
- I didn’t need to sign up for that critique group, or go to that conference, or send my unpublished manuscript to a freelance editor.
Fortunately, over time, many of the I won’ts became I will’s.
- I’ve written and published more nonfiction than fiction, though fiction writing still has my heart.
- I’ve not yet published a book of my own, but I’ve been published in magazines, anthologies, and lesson guides.
- I’ve signed up for that critique group…and discovered strengths I didn’t know I had and weaknesses that I’d overlooked. I’ve gone to those conferences (and talked to those strangers and made those amazing friendships).
- And I even sent that unpublished manuscript to a freelance editor, who loved the story, helped me see what I could do to improve it, and encouraged me to take a few risks, which—after setting it aside for a couple years to focus on starting my freelance editing business and writing another (unpublished) book that’s now simmering on the back burner—I’m now doing.
Turning obstinance into perseverance
Given the right mindset and motivation, obstinance can be transformed into perseverance. The strong won’t can become the strong will. But it will take some time and some effort to re-train how you look at a challenge, obstacle, or hang-up.
Is there an area in your writing life that’s being sabotaged because your strong will is actually a case of obstinance?
It might be time to take a step back and ask yourself why you feel so strongly about the issue. Chances are there’s a strong emotion that’s tied to your resolve—fear, insecurity, financial stress, shame, pride…
Once you can identify the root cause of the issue, you can start looking at little ways you can start moving past it. Keep those steps simple—today I will write 500 words. Today I will read a few pages from a book on developing my writing skills. Today I’ll ask for help doing this so that I can begin doing that.
Before you know it, you’ll be able to look back and see how far you’ve progressed in your journey instead of continuing to stare ahead at the brick wall in front of you that you’ve only managed to break a few chips off of after years of pounding on it with your right shoe.
Endure fort, my friend!
—Jen
Image by Engin Akyurt from Pixabay