Every character has a doubt and a dream. As writers, sometimes we discover what these in the course of plotting; sometimes we discover it accidentally while exploring an idea to see where the story leads. As the story progresses, the shape of the dream might change as the character works toward their goal, but their doubt tends to remain constant right up until the end.
In the Storm Siren Trilogy by Mary Weber, Nym begins dreaming of freedom for herself—even though she believes that will never happen. As the story progresses, she begins dreaming of freedom for an entire world filled with people who have been taught to fear someone like her. Her doubt throughout stems from the fear that she’ll never be anything more than the monster she’d always been told she was.
During my time off in December, I took some time to evaluate who I am as a writer through the lens of how I create my characters. And I was amazed at what I learned.
How our fears oppose our dreams
I’ve discovered that—like many of the stories we read—our core doubt or fear is often in direct opposition to our core desire or dream.
Growing up, I wanted to be a nurse, then a physician’s assistant, and then a pediatrician. I became a writer and an editor instead. The external trappings of my dream may have shifted from the time I was a small child to the time I graduated from college, but the core essence of my dream remained.
In my case, my core desire is being able to encourage and build others up by sharing the things I’ve learned through study and experience. My core fear is being rejected, ignored, or discounted. (And yes, for those who are thinking along the lines of the Enneagram, I am a 5.)
I have two life verses hanging above my computer screen. They’ve been there for years, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized that one (Ephesians 4:29) represents my dream and the other (Psalm 92:4) helps combats my core doubt every time it rears its ugly head.
During my dark night of the soul moments, I often think like Aragorn that every decision I make goes ill. But over time, I discovered that my weapon against despair is praise and gratitude. In the years since changing my major, walking away from writing, and then coming back again, I’ve learned that even though things may not be going the way I envisioned them at the moment, it doesn’t mean I’ve failed. Nor does it mean I’ve been rejected or discounted.
Recognizing our dream and our fear allows room for growth and change
Taking the time to figure out what my core dream and my core fear are has been a major catalyst of change for how I’ve begun to move forward in my writing journey. Being able to recognize both has also enabled me to see where I’m growing and where I’m holding myself back.
Knowing my fear doesn’t always make it easier to confront and overcome the different ways it manifests itself each day, but it does make it harder for fear to take me by surprise.
Knowing what my dream is doesn’t always make it easier to charge ahead in the tasks and goals I’ve set for myself, but it does help me recognize and weed out the “best” ideas from the good “ideas” and the ones that I should just pass on all together.
What’s your core dream? What’s your core fear?
It’s okay if you’re not quite sure yet, but perhaps today is a good day start taking some time to find out. I hope that in finding it, it will encourage you to stand firm in your purpose and press on with courage.
Endure fort!
—Jen